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Wacky Responses to "Biblical Indecency"

"You all are totally cracy.  Let the Satan Suck You!"

I get some pretty kooky replies.    

I admit that this page is the most fun to update on my site.  While I try not to take these responses out of context, so many of them are rambling and pointless that I have to edit them down.  I try to put in ellipses [...] to show where I've snipped.  (One writer claimed I took their quote out of context, though the only sentence I deleted said: "I have a question for you.")

Most people who reply in the "You're going to Hell" vein do so anonymously.  However, I've had a couple of ballsy folks who screamed Hellfire and Brimstone and actually left their mail addresses intact.
Here's a sample exchange.

Meanwhile, here are some responses that made me laugh or made me scratch my head:

An odds-maker evens the "Maul-Rats" spread

When you consider that youths includes people my age(18)(Elisha wasn't much older at the time, BTW), 
 and that there were AT LEAST 42 of them against one, I'd say the bears made it even. The town it happened in 
 was a center of Baal worship, and violence from the more than 42 youths would not have been unusual. To the 
 contrary, non-violence from them would be unusual.

But the pay is so good.  And the benefits! 

You need to rethink your profession and leave the Bible alone.....

"Not sure I agree with your police work there, Lou"

The story of Lot having sex with his own daughters under the infulence of alcohol has an interesting 
twist to it. A man who is so drunk that he cannot recognize his daughters will not have an errection
due to the negative influence of the alcohol on sexual function. So either this event never happened or
Lot new what he was doing.

"Yer problem is too much 'book learnin'"

They say college is the most liberalizing experience anyone goes through and it sounds to me
like you've been to college and you think that you know and have learned so much, that you can think
above and beyond what you call an "illusion". 

[...]

By the way, I have no idea what the "No True Scotsman" fallacy is, but trying to use some made
up fallacy theory conjured up by some PHD to reject thousands of years of prophecy held within the Bible
doesn't make you sound one bit smarter.

Someone who missed all those bad 70's "Love is..." posters?

Please tell me what is love? Love is when you? Thank you. Look forward to hearing from you.

My guess is Duke Ellington:

[...] If the Big Band happened what was the mass at the center? [...]

(Usually I try to resist busting on typos, but this one was too funny...)

Wow, did it predict the rise of "The Sopranos" too? 

i can prove the declaration of Independence was prophecied in the OT, World
war 2, communism, catholicism, the world court (see slobovan milosivch),
Cherynobyl, the new world order(see back of your $1 bill-novus ordo seclorum)
Dessert Storm, the fall of the Berlin Wall and many other endtime prophecies
coming to pass right  now, and I challenge to go spend an hour reading on
http://www.endtime.com
 If you will spend an hour on endtime.com-maybe listen to one of the radio
shows on audio and e-mail me back I will prove all things above

"Dessert Storm"?  Did we pummel Saddam Hussein with custard pies?

You've gotta try the endtime.com site -- a real laff-riot.  Some of their impeccable logic: 

 "Communism died when the Berlin Wall fell -- right?  Well, socialism is the same as communism.  Remember ... the Union of Soviet SOCIALIST Republics?  The truth: Communism Triumphed."   

Try telling that to Gorbachev...

Hey I have a suggestion:  All Christians who are concerned about the "novus ordo seclorum" quote on their dollar bills can send these sinful instruments of Satan directly to me, and I'll be sure to dispose of them properly.

Except for God Himself, of course.  Oh, and Lot's daughters, and umm, Elisha, and ...

If you'd really look at your bible you'd also realize that anything rude done by people were punished by God.

Oh, Please: 

If you'd notice all of your quotes are from the Old Testament- Christians today live under the values and standards of the new testament-nice try though.

Then please tell this to Christians who quote OT books like Leviticus to condemn homosexuality, or those who cite Genesis in order to further creationist dogma.  I'd really appreciate it.  

Um, okay.  Bye!:

YOU FUCKING PERTVERTS.......I HATE PEOPLE LIKE YOU, YOU JUST MAKE ME WANNA THROW-UP.... YOU SORRY PEOPLE, YOU SUCK!!!!!!! BYE BYE NOW

My first "Dear Mikey" column:

I don't know what to do my girlfriend is growing away from me. She don't like to hang out much any more, and it's like everything comes before me I'm not sure want to do. I care alot about her, is there any way to change her mind. I just thought I would wright to see what you thought. Thanks

I guess they missed the Cliff's Notes version:

Explain please

And here I've been reading it with my eyes closed:

YOU SHOULD ASK GOD TO OPEN YOUR EYES AND THEN READ THE BIBLE.

What part of "I don't believe in God" didn't he understand?

Does it not concern you in the least that you will give answer to the Lord God Almighty who inspired all of the words in the Bible that you have the nerve to call indecent. What about the ones in the New Testiment that say if you do not know Christ when you die you are going to Hell for eternity. I would think that if one did not know Christ as their personal savior this should be very concerning. A little food for thought?

Horton Hears a "Jesus Who"

Why don't you repent and delete this web page??????

THis is very dicriminating and Please, have some respect for Jesus Who writes the bible.

Don't Go Away Mad

YOU FUCKING PERTVERTS.......I HATE PEOPLE LIKE YOU, YOU JUST MAKE ME WANNA THROW-UP.... YOU SORRY PEOPLE, YOU SUCK!!!!!!! BYE BYE NOW

From the Stinky Cheese Man:

Je suis le Grande Fromage Noir de la Mort.

These days, I can't tell if this is a joke:

At least I'm pissing off the right people:

Hey, he's right about those predictions!  Ezekiel 2:8: "Irreverend Mike will get abusive email from someone with no SHIFT key."

Sunset?  Nope.  Baby?  Naah.  Can't say I know what you're talking about... 

  in the spirit of Wesley Willis:

Well, yeah, "Benny Hill" wasn't on that night... 

Yes, I'm a founding member of "Born-Again Christian Bible-Haters." 

you have obviously gone to great lengths to discredit the bibe for reasons im not even sure your aware of. you obviously know the bible well but, all in all do you believe that God sent jesus to die on the cross for our sins? Are you a born again christian?

"And Jesus hath spake, 'It ain't wrong 4U2 be takin my blood'"

The New International Perversion is not a Bible. But the KJV is. You are totally takin the verse and reading it in a wrong way. Read the chapter/book to understand why it says what it does dont just nit pick at it so u can prove it wrong. It aint wrong. Its Gods word..

To wake up from a bad nightmare, perhaps...

And your comment about Revelation being gruesome and twisted is not entirely true. It's sobering, let's put it that way. It's a wake-up call, in essence.

Really?  Not gruesome and twisted?  How's this:

Revelation 8:7-9

The first angel sounded his trumpet, and there came hail and fire mixed with blood, and it was hurled down upon the earth. A third of the earth was burned up, a third of the trees were burned up, and all the green grass was burned up.  The second angel sounded his trumpet, and something like a huge mountain, all ablaze, was thrown into the sea. A third of the sea turned into blood, a third of the living creatures in the sea died, and a third of the ships were destroyed.

Another Product of the Kansas Public Schools:

	Evolutionists insist that the human race was once a group
	of apes. But with time we evolved and became human
	beings. This idea leaves questions unanswered though. If
	apes evolved into humans, why are there still apes?  

"Why, we can listen to Pat Boone all we like!"

	What does this site have to do with God, Because a true
	Christian are the most joyful and loving people around.
	The Christian Religion is the only Religion that allow
	people to have fun no other religion does that
	except for the Jewish Religion. Also I am in favor for
	the posting of the Ten Commandments and school prayer.
	The lack of God in public life is what's wrong with
	America.

Another argument for fixed-rate loans:

	When Jesus returns we will see if your
	interest changes.

That's "Mister Barbarian" to you...

	....... BARBARIAN !!!!!!

Hey, he's right! Wait, no, that was just gas...

	I know how you, in your cerebral attempts to prove God does not 
	exist, are hurting inside.

And now, the Rector of the Church of the Anal-Retentive:

	That JC of the week # CLX is a Watchtower Bible and Tract Society publication 
	and I would burn it. It is filled with untruths (such as JC on a pole, not a 
	cross) which will pollute your mind.

Note: He was bitching about a pic on another site, but here's the graphic he's riled up about (click to link to it):

Try moving your monitor farther back...

	Your page wont fit to my screen!

I'm sure they really combed my site over...

	Attn: Director of Marketing

	We have just analyzed your website's global visibility
	and your image indicates that you expect to develop
	business contacts from your site. We found that your site
	is comprehensive, but due to lack of exposure, you're
	most probably only capturing a few percent of your
	potential outreach to on-line potential customers.

You had me for a second there...

	you're go in to hell for whatever you beleive. G** loves
	you but knot as much as he loves me, too. I  hope you are
	someday tuched by the spirit of Go* as he will save you
	to. i once thot just like you only not as much and now i
	am redemed. i will pray for you. its not to late to
	accept Jesus and G*d into your life.

	And stop talking about the donkey dicks. That shit could
	freak the kids out.

Well, thanks for sharing.

	i believe in god

"Playboy. The first step toward crack addiction."

	Pornography. What a joke. It creates mores addicts every
	year that cigarettes, cocaine, alcohol and crack
	combined. It causes divorce, mental illness, sexual
	dysfunction and is a prime factor in rape cases and child
	molestation. In short, pornagraphy is of no use to any
	intelligent human being. It should not exist. But, it
	does because of people like you.

Blaming God's ghostwriters for "Indecency":

	Second, if you tell someone a story, are you not
	going to put in some details which are unnecessariy?
	This is what I think some of these authors did. They 
	were HUMAN BEINGS just like us, and tend to think 
	sometimes on the wild side of things and put some 
	unnecessary details in their writings.

Ah, but I question your questioning my quest. Next question?

	You said you were a Christian and that one day you
	decided to question all of your beliefs.  I think that
	may have been God, it may have been the devil, of course
	I believe at one point it was the devil, and most likely
	the devil all along since God would know if leading you
	to question your beliefs would cause you to not believe
	anymore, He wouldn't have done it.  But I think the first
	belief you should have questioned was the belief that you
	should question all your beliefs.  It is one of your
	beliefs, and the best one to question first.  

Please, sir, contact my publicist before getting in touch with me.

	All I have to say is that you are certanly getting all
	the attention you need.

Wait, I'm getting a sign. It's a single word. Wait, no, could that word be "Spam"?

	Hello!
	I'm rather embarassed to be asking you this but can you
	tell me if we are acquainted?
	
	My name is Angel Curtis, I live in France and am a
	psychic-astrologer.
	I need to know whether we are acquainted or not because I 
	recently received an e-mail with a list of addresses and
	yours was one of them. On reading your address I got a
	strange but positive feeling about you.
	[...]

Oh, damn, and it was on the top of my to-do list.

	you forgot to make you page in frames

"And forgive us our irrelevant questions and deliver us from spelling errors..."

	And people say that we cristians are intolorent, we are
	taught to love even our enemies..........whats so
	intolorent about that.

I am truly sorry, and I humbly repent.

	Speaking as a catholic, the fact that you're calling
	the bible smut doesn't bother me one bit.
	However, "get Microsoft Internet Explorer"?!
	Now that IS blasphemy.

I would've gone to Sunday School had I heard this one:

	Habbakik 6:13-56
	13 
	And Sheemam was with child, and her belly swelleth.
	14
	Habbakik come unto her and pressed himself upon her
	rotund belly, and she doth protesteth, turning away from
	his log.
	15
	And he sayeth, woman, why dost thou turn from me and mine
	hog log?
	16
	she prayed to the Lord ovarium, and He sent her an angel
	vaginal, and the tiny angel did dwell in the outer
	regions of her nether, and he beat his wings and fanned
	the log of the man.

Shocking! See the rest of this passage here.

Somebody Better Tell My Wife:

	God is faithful that He is even married to the
	backslider as stated in the Word of God, the Bible in
	Jeremiah 3:14 - Turn, O backsliding children, saith he
	Lord; for I am married unto you.....

Of course, I wonder if there're kooks out there who interpret that passage to mean that they're only allowed to skate forwards...

Hairy Psalms:

	Psalm 14:1 says that only a fool says in his heart there
	is no God. 

Of course, the next line should've been: "But he's not as much a fool as someone who uses the Bible to try to convert someone who doubts the divinity of the Bible."

Then don't read Leviticus:

	I like pork.

"And respond quick! I gotta know now!"

	OK, HOTSHOT; WHAT DOES THE BIBLE SAY ABOUT MASTURBATION?
	HUH? 

Oh, did you expect different answers?

	Ask yourself the following questions:

	1.) What do I believe?

I believe that you think I'm a nihilist.

	2.) What effect does my belief have on society?

Next to nil, I'm sure, given how little my beliefs affect political policy.

	3.) How do I feel about that?

I'm getting used to it. Thanks for asking.

	4.) What if I'm wrong?

What, you mean about my atheism? I'm sure God would understand why I was one. And if He didn't, he's a catty bastard.

	I invite you to examine these questions from the
	perspective of every religeon, especially christianity.

Because there are so many of you yutzes out there on our school boards and in our legislature, that's why...

	If you don't believe in the diety of christ
	or in fact the inerrant Word of God why do
	you spend so much time bashing it.
	
	I find it so interesting that people spend
	so much time abusing christian ethic.If its false
	leave us alone,if not find your final destination
	in the Word.

Oh, I'm sorry, was there an argument in there somewhere?

	All you Atheist are the same, you think that you have 	
	evoled to a higher plan of thought by denying God, but 	
	you just proved that you de-evoled, you haven't risen you
	decended, and have professed youselves to be wise and
	became fools, the stronger one are the one who have the
	guts to admit that there weak and that they need a
	sholder to lean on, going around claiming that there is
	no God, if you are fooling anyone its only yourselves,
	you are the ones decivied, you are in darkness why don't
	you come to the light.....

All I ask you people is for some solid evidence for God's existence, and this is the kind of stuff you give me?

Censorship.
Hair Loss. ---We can fight these scourges together.

I just visited your website.  I am writing to tell you about 
what we do, as it may be of benefit to both of us.  We 
recently launched a new program at our commercial site 
(focused on selling Rogaine products direct to the consumer) 
at [...].net

affiliate@ihair.net

"Hair.net"? Get it?

"I hate your page! What did it say?" [Version 869]

	I am really offended by your page you take things that 
	are meant for good and twist them around so that they 
	can be used for your own worthwhile!!  i would not have 
	read anything on your page but i am doing a report on 
	censoship!!

	I would really like to here your reasoning behind this web page

Sigh. Handfuls of pages of reasoning, and you want more?

And I don't take American Express...

	I THINK YOU ARE A VERY SMART GUY, YOU HAVE FOUND A WAY TO
	MAKE MONEY OFF THESE PEOPLE. LET ME BE ONE OF THE MANY
	ONE DAY YOU WILL HAVE TO STAND BEFORE GOD AND ANSWER FOR
	YOUR ACTIONS. BOTTOM LINE IS ' WHAT IS YOUR POINT '....
	...............

What's weird is that I got this reply the same day as the next one. Make up your minds, people, am I making money on this site or not?
(Hint: No.)

"High price"? My ISP charges me only $20 a month.

	Its a high price to pay to get some attention. Lets face
	it, you're not really doing much, not changing people's
	views. This is just another derranged website run by the
	derranged, for the derranged. 

Was it the Pictures of Nude Men that tipped him off?

	I suspect you are "gay", well that is up to you.  God
	still loves you and Christ died for your sins. If you
	believe that Christ is your saviour you too can go to
	heaven.  Have a nice day.

Did you forget: Prayer in School? Anti-evolution statutes? Creches on public grounds? Anti-Abortion statutes? Sodomy laws?

	What Christians want to take over government or have a
	government religion?  Fortunately our constitution
	prevents this and it will not happen as long as it is in
	place.  School choose and the banning of partial birth
	abortion is no where close to having a "state religion". 

Remember that The Religious "Freedom" Restoration Acts went down with only a 6-3 margin. Think that would've happened in a Bork court?

Quentin Tarantino Speaks Up:

	Fuck you Bitch ass mutha fucker If you dont like
	Christianity then fuck you bitch.Who gives a fuck if
	you dont like Christianity or not...but dont fucking
	attack it..and shit all this porno shit on the net is
	worse than whats in the Bible so dont fucking say "You
	dont want your children looking at porn online..yet the
	Bible says this and that blah blah" i have a fucking
	quote for you ----[Irrev. Mike] Is a Faggot -Jesus 1:1

You've Obviously Mistaken Jesus for a Kahm-Yew-Nist (spit):

	If Jesus loves me, how come he didn't put me through college?

Soon to be on the "Fairly Wacky Reactions" page:

	you are fairly stupid and waste people's time

I've heard of "damning with faint praise" before.  Is this "Praising with faint damnation"?

Control Freaks for Jesus:

	There's going to come a day when every knee shall bow 
	every tongue confess that Jesus Christ is Lord of ALL 
	and that includes you.

Flatter Thine Enemy:

	wow. you are so impressive. How wise and insightful
	you are. I am so amazed at your brand new insights.
	Gosh. No one has ever brought up those issues before. 
	How is it that you are the only one in the whole world
	to see the things you see. May I touch you? Did I 
	say "wow" already? 

How to be Certain without Proof:

	In respose to your statement, "Prove to me that hell exists":  there 
	isn't any proof in this world.  There will only come the day when 
	people die and know the terrible reality that hell exists, and that 
	they're stuck there and there's absolutely NOTHING on the other side 
	of the grave they can do to change that fact.

How to be a Christian Without Really Trying:

	Congratulations you've created the greatest irony of all! 
	You've shown me that you believe in God by refusing to believe. 
	You wouldn't care about this if you didn't wonder. Your not an 
	atheist, your a fool creating your own selfish world internally. 
	Anyway live and die, and then you will know. Then the ultimate 
	reality will begin eternally. You will then have your precious proof.
	
	God created you and can do anything HE wants! He chose the method of 
	using faith. So just continue having faith that he doesn't exist. Either 
	way you have no proof. Science cannot disprove Him or prove Him. Have a 
	good empty life. 

Culture Studies 101:

	Us brits dont have as much hassel as you yanks from 
	the church, thier into fucking children!

Well, maybe some people didn't evolve. Here's an example:

	Michael,
	You're nothing but a big, fat retard

This two-line response interested me. All the English language at their disposal, and this is what they write.

My response was short:

"Oh, come on, you can come up with a better insult than that!  A three-year-old's taunt 'you're a big stinky poopyhead'at least has some poetry to it..."

Their reply was priceless:

	"only people with half a brain believe there is a God"  
	
	Yeah, right!  Only people with no brain would believe that.  
	I don't think there is a God, I know it.  If human beings were 
	the most powerful creatures on earth, they could have controlled 
	many problems such as earthquakes, flooding, and so on.  And, the 
	world was created for a reason by a Creator, and it would be kinda 
	stupid to think that the world came out of the blues for no reason 
	whatsoever.  And what about that evolution junk anyways, a human 
	evolved from a amoeba.  Yeah, right!  That's just bullcrap.  And 
	if that's true, why did it stop?  Gives you something to think about.

Uh, yeah, but not what you think I'd be thinking about!  For one, how do you "come out of the blues," anyway?  Or, "why is it that so many anti-evolutionists are ignorant of what evolution claims?

It's the lies that are true you gotta be worried about:

	I am not mad at all at you right now but furious at Satan.  
	He fills people with lies that are not true.  Let me ask you 
	something.  Can you go to Satan and pray and see results or 
	does Satan love you?  No he doesn't and he is laughing at you 
	right now for believing these lies that he is filling your head 
	with.  I really think that you need to be delivered of whatever 
	evil spirits are inside of you.

And if I mean so little to you, why did you bother responding?

	If Jesus means that little to you, why do you waste so
	much of your precious energy trying to dispute Him? The Bible
	also says that Every knee shall bow, and Every tongue WILL
	confess that Jesus Christ IS Lord forever. Period. Every
	means ALL, not just Christians. Christians is just a fancy
    	word for those who don't wait until after death to bow and
	confess.

Quick -- anyone speak Finnish?

	It is gold up here
	Kuinka on kullit seissy, perkele!

A Finnish friend translated: "How are the schlongs up, by Devil?"

Don't Fear the Reeper

	You will get what you deserve on the day of judgement you Wretched heathen.
	As ye sow, so shall ye reep!

Hooked on Phonics (Part 34,827)

	I will be praying that The Lord nocks some sence in to your "open-mind".
	

Should I start with Onan?

	you need to show more pictures of naked men.
	

Ewwww, and spend an eternity in Heaven with you?

	They have a special place in hell for you.  You may not believe that because I'm
	sure you are one of the undiciplened "Big Bang" theory types.  There is a hell,
	it's real, and if you don't repent, you will go there.  I'll pray for you.

Okay, I'll 'fess up. My Secret Shame: I'm also one of those careless "Round Earth" Theory types. (This message gave me an image of famous "Big Bang"ers like Hawking and other noted Cosmologists scampering willy-nilly, writing bad checks, cheating at cards and other shamefully undisciplined activities. Man, I've heard science called many things, but undisciplined?)

"And if you could send it in a typed, double-spaced format with no spelling errors, I'd be your best pal..."

	My name is **** and I was just wondering if you could help me out. I'm
	doing a paper on The Crucible by Arthur Miller and I need to find an
	example of a contradiction in the Bible. I have said that The Puritans
	relied too much on the Bible which ended up destroying their community.
	If you could kindly lend a hand, it would be greatly appreciated. If it
	could be done before this Friday, it would be even better because it's
	due on Friday. Thanks a lot!

Seeing in Black and White must save you a lot on color monitors...

	I read your little website.  I don't think much of your argument.
	Just because of the Bible references, you think that it is all right to 
	expose children to all kinds of sexual and other types of graphic 
	material? [...]

Sober Analysis

	we-re durnk byt wetotally agree wit yoi!

Another Enviro-Hippy speaks:

	Why does it seem most christians don't give a Hoot about the global
	ENVIRONMENT. The christian coalition is embeded in every orafice of the 
	republic*nt party. rALPH rEED newter gINGRICH in bed together
	forever. Life partners. How sweet it is to be loved by jEWS. Its like
	jelly baby(K Y  that is)
	for those who hide behind rapture
	ATTN : gOD won't save you if you trash his planet.

No, no, it's "What's the Frequency, Kenneth?"

	Here's some attention for you.
	I'm looking at you.
	Yee hee.

	What's the price?

Tell Him sorry, I already have a prom date...

	Did you know that Jesus loves you?

Should I Use My Toe Knowledge?

	How twisted can you get?  Where do you think 
	your morals come from lady?  Hells hot (just a 
	warning) I think you should look into your sources
	and don't just use your head knowladge.  The 
	Bible has so much more to offer!

I'm still trying to figure out the gender mixup...

A Militiaman Surfs the Web

	I'll bet the N.E.A. has money for you.  But I must
	remind you that yelling "fire" in a public place
	is still against the law.  Is Sarte right ?

Response 1: Is it me, or are NEA jokes really stale?

Response 2: Sartre said an awful lot. Got something specific in mind?

Response 3: Are you saying that referring to "sexual or excretory function" (which the CDA makes illegal on the internet) is equivalent to yelling "fire" in a crowded theater? Guess we'd better round up anyone who's ever said "s--t" or "f--k" in public (yourself included, I'm sure).

Yeah, I Didn't Believe It Either

	This site sucks and I am an athiest.

Funny, do you think Christians misspell "Christ"?

Stating the Obvious

	What's written in the book of G-d could be interpretted in
	different ways it is wrong to take everything literaly.

Your Education Tax Dollars At Work -- Part 1

	Dude, you must rock on with your bad self until
	the bloodsucking pigs of the catholic church have
	roasted in thier own semen and died horrible
	unnatural deaths.  Hail, Father Satan!!!!!!!

Ineffective Ways to Scare an Atheist (Example 3,412):

	You have been sent upon you a strong delusion because of your lack of
	faith.  Who are you to question the Creator, God almighty.  Stop
	trying to find faults with God and his inspired word in which has many
	fulfilled prophesies and more to come.
	
	This is a warning to you.  For the bible says in the last days there
	will be a final rebellion.  Jesus will return to come for those
	who love him.  Taste and see that He is good.

My All-Caps Nightmare -- Part 1

	THE BIBLE SAYS THERE WILL BE ONES WHO WILL TAKE GOD'S WORD AND
	TWIST IT AND DISTORT IT.

	JESUS LOVES YOU
	1PETER 2 PETER

Always a safe bet that responses in ALL CAPS will be non sequiturs.

ee cummings Speaks Out from the Grave:

	this took too long.
	speaking of too long
	have you seen my nob?

Imponderables -- Part 1:

	what's you're deal???

Forwarded This to Jimmy Swaggart For a More Personal Response

	Ever wonder if you could j**k o*f with the bible?
	It'd be kinda funny, watching some christian sit-
	ting there saying something like, "oh Jesus, suck
	mary's t*ts till they explode!" 

My All-Caps Nightmare -- Retina-Bender 2:

	AT THE TIME THE BIBLE WAS WRITTEN THINGS WERE NOT AS THEY ARE NOW.
	WHAT IS INDECENT TO YOU AND I MAY NOT HAVE BEEN TO THAT TIME FRAME. I
	RECALL ADAM AND EVE IN THE GARDEN NUDE UNTIL THEY DISOBEYED GOD THEN
	HE GAVE THEM SHAME FOR THEIR DISOBEDIENCE. I'M SURE THE BIBLE WAS
	CONDEMMING NOT CONDONING IN THE ABOVE REFRENCES. MAYBE IF YOU WOULD
	TRY TO LIVE BY THE BIBLE INSTEAD OF PUTTING IT DOWN ALL THE TIME THEN
	YOUD HAVE BETTER THINGS TO DO THAN SEARCH FOR PROBLEMS WITH IT BECAUSE
	IT SOUNDS TO ME YOU HAVE ENOUGH PROBLEMS OF YOUR OWN.

(Moment's pause to allow my retinas to reset...)

Response 1: If it's so out of date, ask God for a new edition. Isn't it due?

Response 2: Sorry, I'm too busy singing the blues...

This Just In From the Person Voted "Most Likely to Sing 'Kum Ba Ya' in Public" (Alternate Title, "Ineffective Ways to Scare an Atheist, Example 395):

	YOU ARE REAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAALLLLLLLLY SICK AND SHOULD BE PUNISHED
	SEVERELY!!!!!!!!!

	BUT NOT BY HUMANS ...BY THE WRATH OF GOD.....